I am so glad you have written, although you do present me with some tough nuts to crack! I had been hoping to hear from you, and wondering why I had not, and was actually on the point of writing to stir you up!
Thank you for your down to earth openness. You will never get through while you allow yourself to be controlled by yourself. Self is always a slave to one spirit or THE OTHER. You are bound to be hardened and bitter while you allow yourself to be governed by what you think and feel, because really that is giving yourself over to the hidden control of the evil spirit of unbelief, rebellion, hate of God, etc.
There is no remedy for time or eternity except to bow our hearts and minds and take God at His word. That means that you step right over, in the obedience of faith, into the fact that you, as an independent self with your own ideas and reactions, died on the Cross with Christ, and thus you no longer recognize or admit the mastery of the false satanic spirit over you; instead, you take the place by faith that you rose with Christ in His resurrection, and that means that Christ Himself, the Spirit of truth and love, lives in you, and is your real new Self within you.
There is no other way. In all life we are not sure first, and then believe afterwards. No, we believe first (and act as believing), and then we become sure. Hebrews 11.3, “By faith we understand…”, not we understand and then have faith. You aren’t sure of the chair you sit on until you first sit on it! So God demands of you and me that we bow our hearts and heads to His revealed Word, even when we feel we have reason to think that He has failed us. We simply obey Him, and we do that by taking Him at His Word, right against every feeling of rebellion.
It is after we have stepped out in faith, accepted the fact that we in our independence have been crucified and buried with Christ, and now He lives and thinks His thoughts within us, that we find the assurance of faith within us.
So will you not do this again, even if you have done it many times previously? Just keep stating the facts of your position in Christ, and He in you, no matter how many times you are tempted to disbelieve it. As you persist, you will become established in faith. So don’t be surprised at your feeling hard and bitter. Of course you do in your independent self, because independent self is always the dwelling place of the spirit of hardness and unbelief. The tenderness and faith in you will be as you recognize Him who is love actually lives His life in your committed self.
Now let us go on battling this out together. If you can’t follow or don’t like what I have said, don’t turn your back on me, but regard me as a brother in Christ, and don’t keep me waiting a lot more weeks for an answer to this! It is just possible that deep inside you there is some point of resistance or rebellion, some undealt with sin that God has put His finger on, which keeps you fighting against Him. Are you conscious of this? If so, let Him deal with you on this, but if not, there is no need to be introspective, but just by grace to step out in obedience of faith as I have tried to describe it above.
My love to you.
Your brother in Christ,
Knight of Faith Vol 1
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